With a quick search online, you’ll find many people saying the right time to give a kid a cellphone is somewhere between 11 to 13. But what if the answer is more complex than a simple age cutoff?

The “right” time to give your child a cell phone may be different. Every child is unique and will develop and mature at their own pace. Is your child responsible? How mature are they? Are they good readers? Are they empathetic? Do they make good decisions? Do they have friends in real life? How will they use the cellphone?

These are just some of the questions you’ll need to consider before handing over a phone. Let’s chat about these, and more.

Is Your Kid Mature Enough for a Cellphone?

Cellphones open up a whole new world and are best used by kids who are mature enough to handle making decisions in unexpected situations. It’s important to take time to think about how mature your child really is.

An immature child might:

• Refuse to try anything that is unfamiliar or anything that seems hard
• Miss social cues or annoy their peers with off-topic comments or by “talking to much”
• Require more hand-holding in activities that their peers are capable of doing independently
• Find it hard to calm themselves down after becoming overwhelmed or upset when something doesn’t go how they wanted it to
• Struggle with physical tasks like holding a pencil or even fear of going to the bathroom
• Have likes and interests that aren’t age-appropriate like a tween who still watches tv shows made for a four-year-old

If your child is self-regulating well and you trust them to take care of the device, then it may be an appropriate time to consider giving them one.

Please keep in mind that some kids can seem younger than they actually are but are not necessarily immature for their age. Instead, the child could be struggling with hyperactivity, a learning disability or other challenges. Definitely check in with your doctor if you’re concerned.

Questions to Ask Yourself When Deciding If Your Kid Is Ready for a Phone  

Can you child advocate for themselves? 

Do they ask for help when they need it? Can they tell you what they want for a snack or explain what’s bothering them? Some kids are too shy, afraid or lack the skills to communicate their needs. Self-advocacy is a learned skill that even adults struggle with, so it’s important parents help their kids develop self-advocacy. 

Does your kid know how to calm down without too much coaching or support?

Emotions can get the best of the most balanced person at any age. If your child can self-soothe and calm themselves down appropriately, they might be mature enough for a phone.

Can your child communicate well for their age?

On the phone, you don’t have body language cues to guide you, and when texting you don’t even get to hear the person’s tone. Communication is so much different on the phone than in face-to-face conversation. You’ll want your child to be able to understand others and empathize in different situations.

Does your child have any extreme responses or inappropriate behaviors? 

Have you ever seen your kid throw a controller across the room after losing a game, or slam books on the table out of frustration with homework? Or maybe your tween has a full blown 2-year-old level tantrum at a small inconvenience? These might be signs your kid isn’t yet mature enough to handle the frustrations that can come with a phone.

Why does your kid want a phone?

Sit down and ask them. Is it to fit in and feel cool? To text their friends? To make videos to post online? If your kid is asking for a phone, figure out why before handing one over. 

Why does your kid need a phone?

If your kid isn’t asking—or even begging—for one yet, they may still need one. Will it make coordinating schedules easier? Does it provide an added level of safety for you as a parent? Does your kid need an easy way to contact an absent parent or family member without having to ask for permission to use the home phone? Cell phones can be super helpful with family connections. 

What type of phone is appropriate?

You don’t have to get your kid the latest smartphone. In fact, it doesn’t have to even be a smartphone. If you have a grasp on why a phone is actually needed, a simple flip phone or a phone without apps, social media or gaming may be the best choice.

What guidelines will you put in place if you decide to give your kid a phone?

Kids need rules and structure. Having them sign a family cellphone contract or at least discussing and outlining guidelines is a great way to ensure the whole family is on the same page. These of course will change as your child matures and earns more privileges. 

What consequences will there be if any guidelines are violated?

Don’t forget to make it absolutely clear what will happen if a guideline is broken. Will you take the phone away? Put a monitoring app on it? Make social media computer-only and ban it on the cellphone? Discuss potential consequences at length with your kid. It’s only fair that they know in advance.

Ground Rules You’ll Want to Think About Including

Purpose of the phone. Identify the main purposes for granting your child a phone and what is and is not allowed on it. Can they use it for games? Can they use it for social media? Or is the phone solely for calls and texts?

Share passwords. This will depend on your child’s age and how your family handles privacy. Decide if your child can manage a password and if it needs to be shared with you or not.    

Social politeness. If they shouldn’t say it in person, talk about how they shouldn’t text it or say it over the phone.

Time and location limits. Think about where phones will and will not be allowed: at the dinner table, in their bedroom, at school, etc. You’ll also want to set a firm time that they must be off the phone in the evening.

School rules. Each school handles cell phone usage differently. Align your guidelines with the rules at your child’s school to prevent confusion. 

Stranger danger. Require your child to tell you about any weird, suspicious, or harassing calls or texts.

Cyberbullying. You can also require your child to let you know about any cyberbullying, and assure them that you will help. Teach them about online safety and bullying.

Emergencies. How should your child handle different types of emergencies? With cell phone access, what you taught them to do in various emergencies may now have changed. For example, dialing 9-1-1 may now need to be their first action in some dangerous cases, instead of taking time to find an adult.

Device care. Keeping the cell phone charged and in working order takes effort. Even adults wrestle with the frustration of a low or dead battery. Your child will need to remember to charge their phone and learn tips to avoid dropping or losing it.

Downloads and transactions. Options to buy products or download apps are now available via an easy (or accidental) click of a button online. Depending on your child’s age, you may want to include conditions about downloading or purchasing things online -- like getting permission first or having to pay for the purchase themselves. Let them know to notify you of accidental purchases so they can be quickly reversed.

Consequences. Be vague enough to give yourself some wiggle room but specific enough that your kid knows you mean business. Try something like “Having a cell phone is a privilege and if you break any of our guidelines, your cellphone privileges may be taken away.” Also talk about consequences if the phone is damaged or lost. Who, if anyone, will buy a replacement?

Don’t forget that you’re responsible for helping your child. Assure them that you will answer any questions that come up, that you’ll support them if they come to you about weird calls, odd texts, or cyberbullying, and that you will help them remember the rules by giving them warnings or reminders.

Remember, Healthy Cellphone Behavior Starts with You.

Your kid is learning how to use their phone by watching what you do. If you are constantly on your own phone, or rush to check every ping, you are teaching your kid that your phone is the priority.

It’s easy to fall into the habit of constantly checking your phone. Try breaking the habit by changing your notification settings or putting the phone away during meals, or at a certain time each evening. This will help teach your kids that a cellphone is a helpful tool, but it is not the center of your life. All of us could use that reminder. 

How Blink by Chubb Can Help

Handing your kid a cellphone is a lot like handing them the keys to your car for the first time — you teach them what you can, tell them the rules, make sure you’re there to answer their questions, and then you hope for the best. At the end of the day, you can never be absolutely certain what might happen. Cyber insurance can help protect you and your family from dangers like identity theft or cyberbullying. Learn more here.